What Are The 7 Love Languages and How Can I Use Them?
In our last blog post, we talked about Gary Chapman’s iconic 5 love languages, based on his research from the 80’s and his book from the 90’s, and how it’s still a super relevant framework today. Yay Dr. Chapman! 🙌
Knowing about these 5 OG love languages, you might be thinking to yourself… “Wait, now there's 7 love languages?!”
Yes, let us explain!
Over the years, there has been some criticism that the 5 original love languages focus too much on heteronormative couples. Arguments have been made that the landscape and expectations in our love relationships have changed over the last 30 years.
Um, yes, Fair.
In an effort to be more inclusive and representative of what modern-day love looks like, Truity, a company that offers a variety of online personality quizzes, surveyed over 500,000 people and came up with a NEW list of 7 love language styles.
Being the love pioneers we are, we decided to do our research on these 7 love language styles and take the test ourselves! Knowing these 7 love languages can only make us more self-aware and improve our relationships, which is always the goal.
The 7 Love Language Styles
1: Activity
My ideal partner…
Enjoys spending time with me.
Is always up to do fun things together.
Shares hobbies, past times, and interests with me.
2: Appreciation
My ideal partner…
Gives me compliments, praise, and thanks.
Tells me what they like and admire about me .
3: Practical
My ideal partner…
Chips in with everyday duties and responsibilities.
Always offers to help out or run errands.
4: Financial
My ideal partner…
Is generous with resources.
Likes to surprise me with gifts.
Budgets for things that are important to me.
5: Physical
My ideal partner…
Loves to give hugs, hold hands, and snuggle.
Shows me that they are attracted to me.
6: Intellectual
My ideal partner…
Enjoys thoughtful discussions with me.
Shares a deep mind connection with me.
Seeks out and respects my opinion.
7: Emotional
My ideal partner…
Supports me through difficult and scary times.
Is there for all my highs and lows.
Encourages me.
Now, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that, for the most part, 5 of these are the same original 5 love languages from Chapman, but with new titles.
Activity = Quality Time.
Appreciation = Words of Affirmation.
Practical = Acts of Service.
Financial = Gifts.
Physical = Physical Touch.
What’s new and has me all fired up, and what I believe was truly missing from the OG Love languages, are the Intellectual and Emotional styles.
Um, hello! Now you’re speaking my language!
I LOVE digging deep into real, raw conversations and debates about human connection, relationships, careers, conflicts, love, and other important topics. When someone shares their deepest, darkest feelings and vulnerabilities with me, it’s like ecstasy!
Quick story: At a recent dinner party, I made everyone do the new Truity Love Styles Quiz (because, yes, I’m THAT kind of host 🤣), and I wasn’t at all surprised to see that having deep conversations (intellectual) and being able to be vulnerable with your partner (emotional) were high on the list of importance for most people.
What made it even more fun is I turned it into a game, made cue cards (obvs), and had everyone guess what each other's main love languages were. It was a great way to have a fun conversation about how we all want to give and receive love in all of our relationships.
Tips for getting the most out of frameworks like the 5 love languages or 7 love styles:
Find out the order of importance for yours and share it with your partner (remember, we teach people how to treat us!!).
Find out your partner's top 3 love languages and try to love them everyday, even in small ways, in those languages!
Find out the love languages of your colleagues, friends, kids, and family members - it will be a great way to build deeper connections with them.
We highly encourage you to take the Love Styles Quiz with your partner, talk about your results, and be super intentional about loving them in those ways.
We’d love to hear your results, too! Comment below or tag us on Instagram to share them with us!