Love Is An Action (And Here’s Why!)
How many times have you heard the saying, “we’ve just fallen OUT of love?” In our line of work, we hear this A LOT. Clients come to us often saying that they just aren’t in love anymore and that’s the “reason” for their split. There’s often never one big event or situation that occurs that causes them to split up, it’s this idea that they just fell out of love.
But is this even possible? Can you really fall OUT of love?
We’re here to tell you the truth and help you understand what love really is (and how you can keep that fire burning for years to come!).
Is It Possible To Fall OUT Of Love?
When couples say they’ve fallen out of love, it implies that they fell INTO love in the first place. When you think about it literally, love isn’t something you fall into or out of, like falling into your cozy bed at night or falling out of it (wild toddler sleeping style).
Love is such a powerful thing and oftentimes, people don’t even really understand WHAT is happening to them when they start to feel love towards someone. When people reference the term “falling in love,” they often refer to that beginning stage in a relationship where you feel completely out of control, like this wave of love is just taking over you. You can’t stop thinking about the other person and you almost feel out of control. That’s what most people consider to be “falling in love.” It feels like something that is just happening to you, that you’re not actively doing. In those moments, the emotions and feelings are just washing over you in an out of control manner.
Those emotions that come over you so quickly are NOT love. They’re infatuation, passion, and lust. They completely take over you, making you feel as though you’re falling in love with this person, when really, you’re falling in love with the attention of this person.
All of this is very typical in the beginning stages of a relationship, and rightfully so! This is an exciting stage where things are playful, fun, and new. You’re just getting to know this person and all of their personality, character, and uniqueness.
However, the beginning stage of a relationship can be a tricky one, too. We attach so much meaning to that beginning stage or that “honeymoon phase” of a relationship. We go in balls to the walls and let those feelings of infatuation, passion, and lust take over. But can we possibly “fall in love” during this stage? What IS love anyway if it’s not an emotion?
What IS Love?
If we think of any other emotion, such as frustration, you can’t fall in and out of that emotion. You’re either frustrated or you’re not. Therefore, if love were an emotion, there’s no falling in or out of it, right?
Here’s the kicker… love is NOT an emotion. It's not something that just washes over you. Love is an action! It’s something you DO. It’s a verb, an ACTION-PACKED verb at that.
Love is not just about that initial spark and that “honeymoon phase.” Love is about keeping the fire burning in your relationship for the long-haul, and that takes ACTION.
Love is making coffee for your partner in the morning.
Love is kissing them goodbye in the morning, (even if you're kind of annoyed with them).
Love is greeting them with a hug after a long day of work.
Love is sending a sweet text message over your lunch break.
Love is making their favourite dessert, just because.
Love is all about those small moments throughout the day that keep you and your partner connected.
Love Is An ACTION That Requires Effort
Love is an intention that you have to commit to every single day. You can’t just sit on the couch and expect the love to be passionate and amazing, just like you can’t sit on the couch and expect to get in amazing shape and be super healthy. You have to get off the couch and get to the gym. In order to make love last and be something that you get to experience every day, it requires action.
You have to get off the couch and go make out with your partner. You have to take the extra step to seek them out at the end of a long day to reconnect. Love is about being intentional and choosing to do those little things consistently.
Love is an action that requires effort. It requires that commitment and consistency to those small, daily actions that keep the love alive.
Love Is In Your Control
We're often sold the idea that love is something we're just going to wake up feeling every day. That’s why we hear all the time that people are getting frustrated with not feeling in love anymore or are “falling out of love,” like it's totally out of their control.
The good news is, since love is an action, love is IN your control.
We firmly believe that there isn't just one partner out there for you. There are many partners out there for you, but the difference is, you're choosing to be in love with the partner that’s in your life. You're choosing them, so the difference between making it work with them or not is all of those little actions that you take.
It's not about finding the right person. It's about learning to love the person that you’ve chosen.
It’s about learning all of those tiny things that you can do on a daily basis to keep the love alive, to keep the love growing, and to sustain it.
It’s not enough to show your love in one big grand gesture on Valentine’s Day, birthdays, or anniversaries. That’s not enough to last the other 362 days a year. It takes DAILY actions and commitment to sustain love long-term.
We challenge you to think about love as something that is in your control, not out of your control.
If you’re looking for support and relationship tools to help you commit to taking those intentional actions everyday to keep the love alive and thrive in your relationship, we’d love to work with you! Book a free discovery call with us to learn more about how we can work together!