What Does Your Role Model Relationship Look Like?
If you were to reflect on your relationship, could you honestly say that you are actively trying to make your relationship better? Or are you just coasting and going through the motions of life, with no real spark or connection left in your relationship? No matter which is true for you, it’s important to know what you’re striving for in your relationship and to have a role model relationship to look up to. Read on to explore what to look for in a role model relationship and what YOUR role model relationship might look like.
What Inspires Couples to Make Their Relationships Better?
In our work as relationship coaches, we often see that couples are inspired to make their relationship better for one of two reasons.
They’re having problems in their relationship that they know need some work, attention, and TLC.
They’re wondering how great things could be and dreaming of the future they could have.
The first option is driven by trouble, pain, loneliness, and disconnect whereas the latter is driven by the potential of a great, connected, thriving relationship.
When we begin our sessions with all of the couples we work with, we have an initial discovery session (and when we say discovery, we mean discovery). We talk about it ALL!
One of the things we ask is, do you have a role model couple in your lives that you look up to, that inspires you to make your relationship better, or that you want to emulate your relationship after?
A lot of couples think back to their wedding day and mention their grandparents who may have been married for 75 years. They view that as an ideal relationship that they want to look up to.
While yes, that is incredible, the years don’t define the happiness or success of a relationship.
We’ve been taught to measure the success of a relationship by how long a couple has been together, but the real questions we should ask to determine the success of a relationship is:
Are they happy?
Are they fulfilled?
Do they like their partner?
Do they speak kindly to one another?
Do they have fun together?
Are they fulfilled and connected in their relationship?
Those are the REAL measures of success, not just the years.
When you look at that relationship, can you honestly say that you want to talk to your partner the way they talk to each other or treat your partner like they treat each other? If so, AMAZING! You’ve found a real role model couple. If not, you may have to keep searching or learn to become that role model couple yourselves.
How to BECOME a Role Model Couple
In our work with clients, we’ve found that many couples actually struggle to think of a role model couple they’d like to emulate their relationship after. So then what? Do you just give up and keep on going through the motions?
No! You strive to BECOME that role model couple for others! You aim to be those #relationshipgoals for others, which is truly inspiring!
Have you ever thought about what YOUR relationship goals are? This is so important, because when you’re shooting for something (like improving your relationship), you need to know where you’re going and what to strive for. You want to find someone who’s just ahead of you that you can look to as a mentor and who can teach you the ways. Then, you can build your life around their advice and work towards that goal. It’s just like in sports, or business, (or in my case, my new pickleball league where I find myself looking up to the seniors that play regularly as a newbie with entry-level skills).
When couples don’t have that role model relationship to look up to, they can get really stuck, because having that tangible couple to look up to makes it more real. It helps them see exactly what they’re aiming for and what they need to do to get there.
So let us ask you, do YOU know where you'd like to be going in your relationship?
If you could become that role model couple for others:
Who would you be?
How would you show up?
What would you be like?
How would other people describe you as a couple that they want to be like?
The interesting thing about this is that everyone’s idea of a role model couple and what they look for will be unique. What one person looks at as ideal may be different than someone else.
A few other questions you may want to ask yourself are:
Is your role model couple doing everything together?
Are they the kind of couple that plays together, stays together?
Do they do sports and activities together?
Do they go on trips together as a couple?
Do they still have their own individual hobbies they do separately?
Do they talk throughout the day?
Do they do their own thing and come together at night to share about their day?
Do they stick together when they’re out at a party, or work the room individually and come back together?
Do they have weekly or monthly date nights?
Do they show their affection publicly?
Do they talk each other up in a crowd?
There are no right or wrong answers. These are all questions you can ask yourself to really get clear on what you want your role model couple to emulate or what YOU can begin to strive for as a role model couple.
Not only does this allow you to imagine what that role model couple looks like and how they’re behaving and interacting with one another, but it gives you and your partner an opportunity to actually think deeply about it and discuss it. This can help you get on the same page and start to embody that ideal couple together.
Steal This Date Night Idea
If you want to become that role model relationship for others, we do an exercise with our clients that can help you determine what your ideal relationship actually looks and feels like. This is the perfect date night idea, so feel free to steal it and do it with your significant other!
Grab your partner and a journal and write down exactly what your ideal day looks like as a role model couple.
Think about:
What time are you waking up?
Do you wake up together or apart?
How are you interacting over coffee or breakfast or physical activities?
Are you separating for work or working together?
Do you eat lunch together?
Do you talk throughout the day?
How are you coming together at the end of the day?
What does that look like?
What does that feel like?
How are your evenings spent?
Have your partner do the same exercise and compare notes to see where you are in alignment and where you might want different things. Then, work to create your ideal schedule TOGETHER.
If you’re ready to work on your relationship so you can become more connected and thriving and become that role model couple for others, we’d love to work through these conversations and exercises with you!