The five love languages is a concept created by Dr. Gary Chapman quite a while ago! 30 years ago to be exact. Usually, in any field, thought leaders, processes, and concepts come and go. So why does Dr. Gary Chapman's five love languages continue to stick around? 

We’ll tell you. It’s because it’s an incredibly simple concept that has made millions of relationships go from ‘meh’ to thriving and connected.

Everyone gives and receives love differently. When we learn these differences, we can become confident in giving love the way our partners want to be loved. This of course leads to a happier, healthier, and more fulfilled relationship.

The 5 Love Languages

1. Physical Touch: This one is quite obvious. Hold hands. Kiss. Hug. Massage. Sex.

2. Words of Affirmation: Saying things to your partner that make them feel good, loved, and seen. I really admire the way you care about others. I love your sense of humour; it brightens my day. You look stunning in that dress, etc.

3. Quality Time: Exactly what it sounds like! Give your time and your attention. Go for a walk together, workout together, schedule a date night, etc.

4. Receiving gifts: Give thoughtful gifts. Pick up your partner's favorite cookies just because you’re walking by the bakery. Buy them their favourite magazine when you know they have a travel day coming up. Bring them home the newest electrolyte drink for their workout, etc.

5. Acts of Service: Take something off your partners to-do list. Pick up their dry cleaning, mop the floor, do the dishes, etc. Treat them to something, like bringing them coffee at work or breakfast in bed, etc.

What is your love language or languages?

The beauty of this is that there is no wrong answer. 

For a long time, I judged my love language, which is receiving gifts. I thought - how materialistic of me! However, I’ve come to realize that it’s not about the object or the gift for me. It’s about the thought behind it. Is it a reminder of an inside joke? Was I on my partner’s mind? A thoughtful gift shows that he hears me, he's been listening, and he gets me!!

The most important part about talking about and learning love languages isn't categorizing yourself or trying to fit into a specific language. It's about garnering the awareness of how you feel loved. What makes you feel loved? What makes you feel seen and heard and like you matter? What makes you feel appreciated and acknowledged by your partner? When you know that AND communicate it to your partner, it gives them a map to loving you. A guide. An answer key. And if they use it, it will make a world of difference.

For so much of our lives, we are taught to treat people how we would like to be treated, but when it comes to showing love, that is just flat out wrong!! You need to treat your partner how they want to be treated and pay attention to how they feel loved. If your partner’s love language is physical touch, making dinner for them isn’t going to fill up their love tank!!

If you’re not sure what your love language is or you just love taking quizzes, check out Dr. Gary Chapman’s website and take the Love Language quiz. Then send it to your partner - it will be the perfect dinner conversation!

P.S. Stay tuned for next month’s blog to learn all about the evolution of these love languages in today's world.