If we were to ask you to think of how many relationships you know of where either or both people are unhappy, could you name a few? Or more than a few? Whether it’s in the workplace, your friend group, or out in the community, a lot of people are unhappy in their relationship. 

In our work as relationship coaches, one of the first questions that we ask our couples when we first start working together is if they can think of a happy, engaged, fulfilled, and connected couple that they look up to, that is a role model couple for them. Sadly, many clients that we work with can’t think of a couple like that, or it takes them a long time to land on one. 

It’s so easy to think of unhappy couples, but happy couples are harder to find. We’re on a mission to change that, because it is 100% possible to have an amazing, connected, thriving relationship at any stage. However, what gets in most people’s way is fear. In this blog post, we’re breaking down how fear shows up in your relationship and how you can overcome fear and start living a happy, thriving life… today!

How Fear Shows Up in Relationships

For many couples, fear is ever-present in their relationship. They are fearful of their relationship ending in divorce and being deemed a “failed relationship,” even though divorce is more accepted in today’s society. 

The success of a relationship is often measured by its longevity and how many years a couple has been together. While many of these couples who’ve been together for years and even decades do have connected, thriving relationships, at the same time, many don’t. Many couples put on this front that they’re happy and have gotten stuck in their ways of going through the motions and settling in their relationship. In that case, does longevity and all of those years define success? We don’t think so!

The reason most couples settle in their relationships is based out of fear. So often, they ask themselves the question of “should I stay or should I go,” but it’s the fear that holds them back from taking action, whether that’s the action of having that first tough conversation, bringing up divorce, or asking for help from a professional (like us!). 

Many couples are scared of the possibility of divorce and the financial turmoil that would cause. They’re fearful of what would happen with their relationship to their children, their family, and their friends. They’re fearful of being lonely and ending up even more miserable than they are right now in their relationship. They often feel like the grass is greener on the other side, but then there’s the fear of what happens if it isn’t, because statistics show that the divorce rate of second and third marriages increases. This tells us the same issues exist no matter who you’re in a relationship with. 

Sometimes, it’s simply the basic human fear of change that holds people back from working on their relationship and having tough conversations with their partner. As humans, we get stuck in a place of comfort in our relationship, and when it comes time to make a change, it can feel really scary. The thing is, all of these fears are completely normal. 

Don’t Wait Too Long to Ask For Help in Your Relationship

As relationship coaches, it’s our mission to help everyone learn how to cultivate connected, thriving relationships right here, right now. Instead of wondering if the grass is greener somewhere else, put your time and energy into growing the grass in your OWN yard. 

According to Gottman, couples wait on average 6 years before seeking help in their relationship. That’s a long time to be unhappy, miserable, and constantly fighting. Plus, it’s far too long to sit in fear and avoid the hard conversations with your partner. 

It’s so important for your wellbeing and happiness to seek help and start having those real, honest, hard conversations with your partner, because no one should wonder if they should stay or go for that long. 

It can be tricky though, because for many couples, there’s nothing blatantly wrong with their relationship, they just know that there’s nothing that great either. They’re seemingly stuck in this middle ground of wondering if this is as good as it gets and if they can really make it better together. They sit on the fence and wonder if they can really make this life great with their partner, or if they should just throw in the towel. Both are unknown and both are scary, which can be paralyzing. However, not making a decision is a decision in itself. It is choosing to stay stuck and unhappy, which isn’t fair to anyone. 

So don’t wait to ask for help until there’s a mountain of shit to work through and years of resentment. Don’t let pride and fear take over and keep you stuck. 

Just imagine where your relationship could be in 6 years if you DID take action and decide together to start working on your relationship. How much happier would you be if you stopped sweeping everything under the rug and actively worked on your relationship? 

Would your kids be happier? Would your sex life be better? Would you stop resenting each other and become a united front again? Would you finally be truly connected and thriving?

It’s totally possible that ALL of that could be true for you, but you have to take the first step and ask for help. Sometimes, the thing that’s holding you back from being connected and thriving isn’t as big of a deal as you might think. Sometimes you just need a little check-in with each other to get reconnected and realigned so you can move forward together. But you’ll never know if you don’t take a chance on yourselves and seek support to dig a little deeper and uncover what it is that’s holding you back from greatness in your relationship. 

If you’re ready to get unstuck and face your fears in your relationship, we’re here to support you through it all. We’re here to help you find the things that are holding you back from being truly happy and give you an action plan on how to work through them… together! Don’t wait 6 miserable years. Reach out and change your relationship… today!