In the journey of love and marriage, there’s a crossroad that many couples struggle with: the appearance of roommate syndrome. This tends to coincide with the dreaded “7 year slump.” During this timeframe, couples who have been together for the better part of a decade start to experience rough patches, find themselves drifting apart, and feel like they're navigating a whole new world that leaves them feeling more like roommates than partners (and romantic ones at that!). While shifts and changes over time are 100% natural in any long-term relationship, you don’t have to settle for losing the spark in your marriage. In this blog post, we’re sharing tips for navigating this stage and being proactive about it so you can keep the sparks alive and steer clear of stagnation and boredom in your relationship. 

Understanding Roommate Syndrome and the 7 Year Slump

While roommate syndrome may seem like a bit of a silly term - there is so much truth behind it. If you’ve ever had a roommate, you may understand what it’s like to feel like you’re constantly seeing each other in passing, making small talk, and simply having surface level conversations around when rent is due, how they’re doing, or what their weekend plans are. 

If you’ve ever experienced roommate syndrome in your marriage, you’re likely shaking your head, thinking, “Oh my gosh… this is us! Help!”

You’re not alone, though. This is a common struggle that plagues many couples in long-term, committed relationships.

What Is Roomate Syndrome?

Over time (say… around 7 years!), as responsibilities increase, life changes, and partners each grow in their own ways, they can begin to feel more like roommates than romantic partners and lovers. 

So what is roommate syndrome and how do you know if you’re dealing with it?

Roommate syndrome is characterized by a lack of passion, dwindling communication, loss of connection, and a sense of emotional distance. This can coincide with the 7 year slump, a period where the initial excitement or “honeymoon phase” of a relationship has ended, and couples may feel discouraged and/or disconnected in their marriage.

What’s tricky about this is, they are often still in love with their partner and can’t imagine being with someone else, yet there’s something inside of them that is not fulfilled or completely happy with where they’re at in their relationship. This can be a really confusing place to be! 

Strategies for Preventing Roommate Syndrome

One of the best things you can be in a relationship is proactive, and taking steps to prevent roommate syndrome, especially as you approach that 7 year mark, is key. Here are a few strategies to help you keep the communication, love, and spark alive in your relationship. 

Prioritize Communication

If you know us, we are strong advocates of open and honest communication with your partner, even if it means having hard conversations. We truly believe that having hard conversations can help you connect deeper on an emotional level and bring you closer together. 

Make time for regular check-ins with your partner where you discuss your feelings, desires, and concerns. Don't let issues simmer beneath the surface, as this will only lead to a “boil over” eventually. Address these challenges and concerns head-on, with empathy, a listening ear, and understanding. 

Keep the Sparks Alive

Whether you’ve been together for 3 years, 7 years, 15 years, or 20+ years, keeping the sparks alive romantically is a key aspect of nurturing your relationship. This doesn’t always have to look like the same old sex either. 

Surprise each other with thoughtful gestures, plan date nights, embrace spontaneity, and prioritize physical intimacy. Remember the little things that made you fall in love in the first place and continue to cultivate those moments as you keep the sparks alive.

Make Time For Shared Experiences

As couples make their way through the years, it’s not uncommon for their only shared activities to be kids’ sports games, work events, etc. While those things are great to attend and share together, it’s also important to create opportunities for you to bond in a more intimate, intentional way together. 

Create shared experiences that you both enjoy, whether that’s planning trips and traveling, trying new hobbies, working out together, learning something new together, or simply spending quality time at home. Shared experiences that you both enjoy strengthen your connection and create lasting memories.

Maintain Individuality

Prioritizing your relationship is a must, but that doesn’t mean you should lose sight of your individual identities. After all, self-care and self-awareness is key to your own personal well-being and how you show up in your relationship. 

Pursue your passions and interests outside of your relationship and encourage your partner to do the same. Continue to embrace your own unique hobbies, friend groups, and passions. Maintaining a strong sense of self leads to personal growth, fulfillment, and happiness, which also transfers over into your relationship.  

Overcoming the 7 Year Slump

If you find yourself in that 7 year slump period of time, struggling to find the excitement in your relationship (that you know you have deep down, and so desperately crave!), check out these tips for moving through this and into deeper connection.

Reflect on Your Relationship

While you may be in a challenging stage of your relationship right now, it’s important to not discount or forget all the amazing times you’ve shared in your journey as a couple so far. 

Take time to reflect on where you’ve been and where you’re going. Celebrate your achievements, milestones, and proud moments. Acknowledge the challenges and conflicts you've had to navigate and overcome. Reaffirm your commitment to each other as you embark on the next stage of your relationship. Reflecting on your shared time and relationship history together can reignite those feelings of love and appreciation and put things back into perspective moving forward. Sometimes, all you need is a reminder of WHY you are together in the first place. 

Set New Goals Together

The goals and dreams you once had as a couple may have shifted, evolved, or taken a complete 360 degree turn over the years, and that’s okay! 

However, be sure to look towards the future and set new goals and aspirations together as a couple. Consider each other’s wants, needs, and desires and truly listen to and hear each other out. 

Whether it's planning for the next phase of your relationship, pursuing shared dreams, or embarking on new adventures, setting goals together creates a sense of purpose and direction in your relationship.

Seek Relationship Support if Needed

Do you find yourself still struggling in your relationship? Don't be afraid to seek support from a relationship coach or therapist if you're struggling to navigate the 7 year slump with your partner. 

Seeking professional support doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. It means you are committed enough to fight for your relationship, and that’s a good thing! 

Relationship support can provide you with a new perspective, an unbiased opinion, and valuable insights and strategies for overcoming challenges and reigniting that spark and connection in your relationship.

While roommate syndrome and the 7 year slump are common challenges that couples face, that doesn’t mean they’re impossible to overcome. 

Like any aspect of a relationship, it takes hard work, ongoing effort, intentionality, respect, and a true craving for deeper connection. The reward though? A thriving relationship that stands the test of time! 

By prioritizing communication, keeping the spark alive, creating shared experiences, maintaining individuality, and seeking support when needed, couples can prevent stagnation and reignite the flame of passion and love. 

If you’re looking for relationship support to help you navigate this stage of your life as a couple, visit our website to learn more about our 1:1 coaching and how we can help you!