The Relationship Coaches

View Original

Screw The Success Equation

We were asked to be the keynote speakers at an AGM event last night and WOW, was it great to be presenting in person again. We love public speaking, but we still get a few of those excited butterflies before every event that reminds us we’re alive and living our dreams!

One of our former clients was attending the event and came up to us afterwards to share that when she heard we would be the speakers at this event, she looked back and re-read her client intake form from 5 years ago and it brought tears to her eyes!

Some of the questions we ask in our intake forms center around big life questions, like:

‘What is my life purpose?’

‘Why am I here?’

‘What really makes me happy?’

And specifically on the question ‘What does success look like for you?’, she was blown away.

She had a long list of things that she wanted in her life in order to feel successful. She reported that she had accomplished or was in the process of accomplishing all of them in the last 5 years! 

How cool is that? 

Her coaching with us started her on a trajectory to find her life purpose and reach success as it was defined by HER.

But so often, we give in to the seductions of society. How we define what success looks like to ourselves starts to become based on what other people want or things that will make us look good. However, these aren’t necessarily based on our own values and desires. 

What we are talking about here is The Success Equation, which looks something like this:

I’ll be worthy of _________ when I _________ .

You can fill in the blanks.

I’ll be worthy of love when:

  • I am skinny.

  • I am fit.

  • I have lost 20 pounds.

  • I am happy.

I’ll be worthy of being happy when:

  • I have 4 kids.

  • I own my home.

  • I am in love.

  • Someone loves me.

  • I quit drinking, smoking, doing drugs, binge watching Netflix, online shopping, gambling, etc.

I’ll be worthy of success when:

  • I get a promotion. 

  • I am making 7 figures.

  • I am financially independent.

  • I’ve written a book.

You get the picture.

Here’s the deal though… The Success Equation is actually bullshit.

Partly because it’s based on those societal expectations we mentioned earlier, and partly because beneath The Success Equation is the need to prove something. To prove we are worthy of love, success, happiness and the life we are given. 

So what’s the secret?

You are already worthy. You are worthy because you exist. 

So what would happen if you stopped chasing somebody else’s dreams, if you figured out what you actually want and value, and built your life around that?

We’ll tell you what would happen!

You’d likely end up like our former client feeling success on your own terms. 

If you’re ready to say ‘Screw The Success Equation’, then we’re so ready to help you start living out your dream life! Click here to book a call and chat with us!